Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my nose is crying tears of wow.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
