Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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