If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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