Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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