i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
