I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
