I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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