I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
