just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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