p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
