Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
