if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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