this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
