im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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