We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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