Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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