Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize