dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
