I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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