Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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