i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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