did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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