My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
