Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
