so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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