Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
