some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
