I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
