where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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