I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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