How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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