He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
