All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
