Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drake has all the answers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
