You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
