Are we in a gay sports bar?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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