The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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