I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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