Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we made out on top of his cat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
