So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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