I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
