Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
