What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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