I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
