I can tuck mytits in my pants
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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