there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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