It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
