I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
