yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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