Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
