Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
