I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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