meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
