im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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