Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
