Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
