i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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