yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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