One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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