i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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