So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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