Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
