I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
