It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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