non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
