can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
