i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
